Lord, I love you though
Your strange steps blacken
A path backward along my trail.
But you are still my cleft, my crag, my solace.
You have been my promontory,
My high hideaway, my safe, close space.
I am no stranger to need.
I know death rises like a rogue wave
From a cloudless sky and glass-smooth sea.
There were years when the grave
And I were well acquainted.
I called death by its first name
And it whispered mine back.
None would have marked it,
Had I slipped soundlessly into the wild water.
My prayers were all gasping.
Though I was sure they were my last breath,
And I only half believed what I half understood,
I lifted them to you
Like a hand upraised from the water,
And felt something catch.
Then the firemount woke,
And none of us kept our feet.
The earth hurled us end over end;
Threw out vaulted fireseed
That did not bloom or blossom,
But burned like anger burns.
We didn’t know fire could splash
Nor love lash lava lines—red on black,
Nor God buck in smoke pillars
With wide pinions on darkling sky.
We prayed for him to ride a reckoning down
On everything that needed more than time,
But when it came we hid our eyes
And begged him to stop.
He terrified us.
The rumor of his wrath ran every direction.
The heavens staggered and fell,
Breaking coal bright in fractal lace lightning.
His wings were the worldwinds.
He drew the dark down around us.
The skylines all bent and bowed
And fire burst from cloud to cloud.
There were burnt words in the thunder
But I didn’t want to hear them.
Everyone scattered.
Every naked thought
Crisped in the lightning light.
Even the sea drew back
To show its hollow bones
And the drowned days it took from me.
I regretted my pleas for help.
I wished he hadn’t come,
Yet the strange light flashed around
And snatched me up and I was saved.
I never thought he would move so fast
Or be so much larger than me.
He put himself between me
And every danger.
He held me hard through the wrack
Of fears that tumbled off me.
He brought me to an open place.
The darkness and terror smoke
Were gone, and light lay around me.
I was safe.
Lord, how can you be so gentle
And so pyroclastic;
The refuge and the razor wind?
What have I done to be spared?
I followed your way but also lost it.
Yet your mercy arcs above me all the same.
To the blameless, you are blameless.
To the pure, you are pure.
To those who trade every other advantage
To follow you, you are a fortress,
A shield, a tower, a burning sword.
To those who have reached
The end of themselves, you are a sere
Moraine rockland, strewn with rubble and wisdom.
To those who beat their breast and hardly dare
Raise their tear-bright faces, you are a father,
A mother, their long, last love.
To we glad-hearted fools who make
Huge gestures of hope toward a world
That promises us nothing,
You are our rest, our reward, our consolation.
What rock is there but you?
Your nimble love makes my heavy heart as fleet as deer.
Your strength saw me through my long odds
Every time I cast my lot with you.
You trained my hands in the long surrender.
But it was your gentleness
That made me great.
The rumor of what you’ve done in me
Went out in circles like a struck bell.
People I did not know heard of you.
My enemies lost heart and their folly
Suddenly seemed as petty as it ever was.
God remains my stormrock, my tower.
His name is upheaval. He topples
The highest to the lowest place,
While the lowly stand up proud as any king.
When his long-suffered, long-prayed justice comes,
Only the humble can raise their heads.
For this, we praise you, Lord.
What else is left to us
When the hard harrow of your love has passed?
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