All autumn long and all alone,
I trod a path through the woods
While I prayed and fretted and watched
The leaves go bright as pennies.
Behind me walked ghost years
I thought I’d shaken.
Teach me the steps. I know
There is a difference between
Seeing the way and walking it,
But my trust is loss-hearted and heavy.
Put it through its unresting,
Unhasting paces.
Lord, do not remember the sins of my youth.
Forget the years I mistook my fears for virtues.
Forget my empty renunciations.
Remember me through your lasting love.
Imagine me through your mercy.
I stood a season-long watch
In the draughty chapel, listening
For your voice between breaths of bellsong.
I went wrong at long turns and saw it too late.
Will you ravel me back and piece me together?
Or is the friendship of the Lord
Nearness as I come apart?
Show me what there is to know
In the way I need to know it.
There is always more
Of your kindness than I thought was left.
I have longed for peace
But never learned it.
My days are harried, scraped bare,
Blurred from bed to bed,
And chased with a short, beaten sleep.
Turn to me and be gracious.
I found a trouble larger than I am.
I can stretch my hands and touch
Both walls of my hope,
So small a cell it is.
Inside, I worry at the promises of the Almighty
As a dog worries a bone.
Show me the way of peace
And I will walk it.
Hold my careworn, threadbare
heart completely still.
Guard me. Deliver me.
Show me the snowdrops
Crowded in the dooryard
When winter comes.
For more from the Darkling Psalter, go to darklingpsalter.substack.com
Music: "Nightfall Hymn" by Yehezkel Raz
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