God, in your anger, don’t set me aside. I suffered the length of your chastening. Your arrows have fallen all around me. Your hand pressed me into the ground. You heaved my heart whole over. I am all raw wounds. My heart is scoured bright as brass— Abraded, burnished, blazing hot Under the blast of your wrath. My peace is choked Because I chewed black thoughts Like cracked bones and made A meal of my sin’s marrow. My wrongs have doubled back on me And I can’t bear them. My rot flesh hangs in strips. The fester stinks. All day, I shuffle through drifts of sorrow. My feet are bleeding in my shoes As I walk the long lanes of grief. My prayers fall in soft sift That drops to muddy slosh behind me. A fire has made a home in my flesh. I keep patting my chest to put it out, But the fever won’t quit. My bones are brittle as coral. My eyes shine like opals, And I hold my limbs with care As if they might snap off. I’m bound and bowed and brought low. My body bends to the ground As if I am already grinning down Into my grave. None of this is secret. It happens under the open face of heaven. You see me, Lord. You hear the long lament Singing out of me all day And through the black hours of night. Those friends I loved stand away. Even my brothers press their hands to their mouths And shake their heads. But those who want to hurt me draw near. Their thoughts chasms, But their words are all bright as knives That leave fresh red ribbons In my mind when I think of them. I would fill my mouth with arguments And my ears with my own defense, But instead, I am dumb and stuttering and stunned. Lord, you know how I would trade My heart for any hope I could lay hands on If it promised me a way out. So set your silence on me. Staunch me, stop me, Hold me hard at bay. Give me the stillness that isn’t peace, But has the seeds of peace in it. You are the last word I’m waiting for. If you are not my defense, I have no defense. I know your answers start Before I know to ask. I know they take a long time And aren’t made of words, but of moments Stacked one on another. I am ready to fall. My pain is set plainly before me. I can hardly hide it, Nor keep it a secret, Nor find the smallest, furtive, Fugitive minute to forget it. I didn’t know this is what I bargained for When I gathered my folly To my chest in great-armed heaps. Visit me even here, Lord. I want to begin again. Show me what is good Even if it makes this all the worse. Curb the joy of those Who rejoice when I fall. I will tell all my wrongs. I will hold nothing back. I will foreswear all the misbegotten loves That have made a home in my heart. Do not cast me off, but stay with me. Even now, rush to help me. Level out a rollicking, bracing, lavisher love. My chevalier in stride, have your way! Cast back black sorrow. Know no bounds. Breach and breast High over every hindrance. Show me what it feels like To be safe and saved.
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I'm struck, as often, how you create (maybe somehow you've tapped into it through acute understanding of translation?) a whirlwind of speakers simultaneously in many of these. It's powerful. Masterful. I've compared you to Shakespeare several times- it's a genuine compliment. I mean it.
So good.. my son is in a heavy metal band. I’m going to tell him to try this one!