In the journey of growth, we sometimes move forward by learning something new, and sometimes by returning to what has always been true. In the words of T. S. Eliot from his poem Four Quartets:
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
There is something profoundly true about the spiritual journey in that quote. Growth can look like a movement from orientation to disorientation and then to reorientation. That middle step can be a rich step, even though it is stressful as we move into a new paradigm, but it isn’t where we were meant to live.
After seasons of wrestling, fear, and disorientation, in which it can feel like “the rumbling world is clattering down” something settles, and we begin to find our footing again. When we are no longer reacting or grasping for stability, we can stand where God has placed us and begin to see more clearly where he is leading. As the rendition of Psalm 16 says, “The lines of my life lead here. It is enough. I am content.”
Formation, in this sense, is a kind of return: a return to God as our home, to desires brought back into right order, and to the self we were meant to be. It is a reorientation to the shelter God offers, learning again to live within it and to say with honesty:
“What other home do I have but where you are?”
Here is the rendition of Psalm 16 from the Darkling Psalter.
Psalm 16—My old loves all return like birds to eat from my hands.
I came to shelter with you Like you were the last hiding place left While the rumbling world clattered down. You are my God, what other home Do I have but where you are? What other family have I but yours? Those who sell themselves To other gods will find that sorrow Billows all around them, Steals in through the cracks, And settles in quiet corners. The Lord is my portion, my lot, The cup I drink to the dregs. The lines of my life lead here. It is enough. I am content. You teach me the way of life By walking it with me. You are always at hand, always before me, So even when I slip, I won’t fall, And even when I fall, I rise. My old loves all return Like birds to eat from my hands: My gentleness, my quiet, the stillness I spent so long running from, Settle around me in circles. You save me from every pitfall. You walk me in the path of life. I didn’t know joy could run this full.
